Kirsty and I decided we want to start a family in mid 2014. We are a same sex couple which means the law differs in terms of who can be on the birth certificate. For us both to be listed as the legal parents we would need to be married before conception. So we got legally married in a registry office in July 2014.
The only people that knew about this were our close family and we made sure everyone understood that this was not our wedding! We are still having our dream barn wedding in 2018, and we are classing that as the day we get married properly. That's the day I will wear a wedding dress and Kirsty will wear a suit and we will cut the cake. That will be our wedding day.
But after our legal marriage we were able to start trying for a baby. Obviously neither of us have sperm, so our job was to find some! There is a website called PrideAngel which we signed up to and there was a survey with a university at the time which meant if we filled it in we could get 10 free credits. You use one credit at a time to message potential donors and they normally cost £1 each. We spent a while going through different donors, asking plenty of questions, finding someone who we could meet halfway in hotels.
We bought all of the equipment necessary which means we now have a lot of syringes, sterile pots, ovulation tests, softcups etc. We met with a donor 11 times over 10 months and suffered through the dreaded two week wait every time, which was made every worse by the fact that my cycle differs between 24 days and 34 days. After 10 months we decided to take a break and look for a new donor. Sometimes donors and recipients just aren't compatible and it will never work.
However, after 6 months of searching for a new donor and not being able to find one, we decided to see what was available on the NHS.
We went to see our GP in November 2015 to ask what the NHS can offer. She did some research and told us that we are entitled to one round of IVF free only if we can prove that I am infertile.
I had blood tests done over 2 of my cycles which came back showing that I don't ovulate. This meant that we were referred to St Marys for further fertility tests. I had a transvaginal ultrasound which showed that I have no cysts and an Antral Follicle Count of 14. I also had blood tests for all STIs, oestradiol, FSH and AMH. (all of these abbreviations will mean nothing to you if you aren't in the ttc online world, but it's basically tests to see how fertile I am).
The most upsetting result to come back was my AMH. It's 7.07. This puts me in the Low Range which means I have a low ovarian reserve. This could mean that I go into menopause a lot earlier than average, or it could mean I just don't ovulate every month. It basically means it's a lot harder for us to get pregnant without medical help and we don't have the luxury of time.
All of the other results came back fine so the last test to prove infertility was a HSG test. That was the most painful test I have ever had. The doctor had to inflate a balloon inside my cervix and pass dye through both of my tubes whilst taking x rays to determine whether my tubes were blocked. I couldn't even breathe during that test but (unfortunately or fortunately?) that test also came back fine. I'm not infertile.
NHS guidelines state that for same sex females you need to fund 6 rounds of IUI yourself and then you can get one round of IVF on the NHS.
IUI is a very simple process, a lot like just doing it yourself at home. You don't need tests during your cycle and you don't need to inject yourself or have scans.
IVF is very invasive and requires sedation and injectable hormones.
IUI has a success rate of around 11% and IVF has a success rate of 24%.
We were originally saving for the 6 rounds of IUI that we would need to self fund, until we went to an open evening discussing it. That was where we discovered that IUI is the wrong route for us due to my lack of ovulation. We were told at the meeting that for IUI you just use ovulation tests yourself at home and then come to the clinic the day after you get a smiley face. However, we have had smiley faces before and been told that the blood tests show I haven't released an egg.
We have booked our initial consultation (£185) at that fertility place to discuss what is our best option and whether we need any tests repeated. That is on 19th May and I will update this blog with what happens once we discuss it.
