IVF Update

This is going to be a short post - I just want to update on our IVF journey. We paid for a multicycle plan which covered 2 fresh cycles and all frozen cycles. We just pay for the medication seperately. Our first fresh cycle we got 2 embryos and both failed. Our second fresh cycle we got 7 embryos. So far we have put 4 back and all have failed. We have 3 left but have decided to wait until after our wedding which is in October 2018. This means we can save any extra money towards the wedding and just really focus on that and be able to enjoy it a lot more.

IVF with ICSI #1 Update

I don't update this blog much because there isn't a lot to say on a day to day basis (and I do forget).
But we started IVF injections on 25th September, did my Trigger Shot on 8th October, and went for Egg Retrieval on 10th October.
The Egg Retrieval was what I was scared of most because you have to go on an IV and be sedated. However, I just slept the whole way through, didn't feel any of it and recovered really well so we could go home. For that day and the next 2 days at home I was in a lot of pain. It was very uncomfortable to walk and sit. I lost 3lb because I didn't have much of an appetite. Today is Thursday, 3 days after, and I feel a lot better. I'm in a lot less pain and wanted to update this blog with the results of the retrieval.
I had 16 follicles at my last scan, they got 8 eggs at retrieval. The next day they phoned to let us know that 3 of those eggs were immature so couldn't be used. Of the 5 that were left they successfully injected 3 with the sperm from our donor. (I didn't even post about that on this blog! We managed to find a donor who has similar interests to us, and likes to visit the same places we do.)
They phoned again today to let us know how those 3 embryos had developed. This is what the Embryologist told us on the phone: “The good news is that the 3 of them are really nice. Theyre all at the good stage of the development and theyve got very nice grading. 2 of them are already compacting which is a very good sign. So theyre doing really well.”
I'm really happy and hopeful! I wasn't sure whether the low AMH results I had would mean my eggs are of a lower quality. But to have 3 embryos developing well is a good sign. I'm hoping that all 3 make it to day 5 and we are able to freeze 2. I know not all embryos survive the freezing process but it would take so much of the pressure off us if it worked. I will eventually post about the results of our first embryo transfer and what our next steps are.

Beginning IVF!

I made a post detailing our TTC journey so far but at the time we weren't sure what route we were going down next.
We are now at the next stage and are just counting down the days until we can start the process!
After initial tests and discussions with a fertility specialist, we have decided to have IVF with ICSI using donor sperm and are going to purchase a multi cycle plan with Access Fertility which takes a lot of the pressure off us. There is obviously still a chance that IVF won't work after 2 tries but, knowing that we have paid for a second go, it definitely makes that first attempt less stressful.
I have had all of the initial tests that I need - AMH, general blood tests, HSG, cervical smear, weight. I need to have an updated antral follicle count at start of September and we are going to ask what steps we need to take to be able to start IVF after that. If possible we would like to start in time for my next cycle at the end of September.
I'm so excited and anxious to start because it feels like we have been waiting for so long. It has been a sad, heartbreaking few years and I just want for us to be able to take the next step. We have a list of baby names already!
The main thing we would need to do after a successful cycle (and at a safe point in pregnancy) is create a room for the baby. I would love for us to put a double bed and cot in the front bedroom but we have a new wardrobe and drawers in there so it depends where everything would fit. If we can make it fit I would love to use it! Our current bedroom is the attic so at some point during pregnancy and once we have a baby we would have to move rooms no matter what so that would be the next big challenge.
I'm going to update this blog once we know when we can start IVF. We will also be filming our experience for home videos and uploading some onto our YouTube channel.

Our TTC Journey

Kirsty and I decided we want to start a family in mid 2014. We are a same sex couple which means the law differs in terms of who can be on the birth certificate. For us both to be listed as the legal parents we would need to be married before conception. So we got legally married in a registry office in July 2014.

The only people that knew about this were our close family and we made sure everyone understood that this was not our wedding! We are still having our dream barn wedding in 2018, and we are classing that as the day we get married properly. That's the day I will wear a wedding dress and Kirsty will wear a suit and we will cut the cake. That will be our wedding day.

But after our legal marriage we were able to start trying for a baby. Obviously neither of us have sperm, so our job was to find some! There is a website called PrideAngel which we signed up to and there was a survey with a university at the time which meant if we filled it in we could get 10 free credits. You use one credit at a time to message potential donors and they normally cost £1 each. We spent a while going through different donors, asking plenty of questions, finding someone who we could meet halfway in hotels.
We bought all of the equipment necessary which means we now have a lot of syringes, sterile pots, ovulation tests, softcups etc. We met with a donor 11 times over 10 months and suffered through the dreaded two week wait every time, which was made every worse by the fact that my cycle differs between 24 days and 34 days. After 10 months we decided to take a break and look for a new donor. Sometimes donors and recipients just aren't compatible and it will never work.
However, after 6 months of searching for a new donor and not being able to find one, we decided to see what was available on the NHS.

We went to see our GP in November 2015 to ask what the NHS can offer. She did some research and told us that we are entitled to one round of IVF free only if we can prove that I am infertile.
I had blood tests done over 2 of my cycles which came back showing that I don't ovulate. This meant that we were referred to St Marys for further fertility tests. I had a transvaginal ultrasound which showed that I have no cysts and an Antral Follicle Count of 14. I also had blood tests for all STIs, oestradiol, FSH and AMH. (all of these abbreviations will mean nothing to you if you aren't in the ttc online world, but it's basically tests to see how fertile I am).

The most upsetting result to come back was my AMH. It's 7.07. This puts me in the Low Range which means I have a low ovarian reserve. This could mean that I go into menopause a lot earlier than average, or it could mean I just don't ovulate every month. It basically means it's a lot harder for us to get pregnant without medical help and we don't have the luxury of time.

All of the other results came back fine so the last test to prove infertility was a HSG test. That was the most painful test I have ever had. The doctor had to inflate a balloon inside my cervix and pass dye through both of my tubes whilst taking x rays to determine whether my tubes were blocked. I couldn't even breathe during that test but (unfortunately or fortunately?) that test also came back fine. I'm not infertile.

NHS guidelines state that for same sex females you need to fund 6 rounds of IUI yourself and then you can get one round of IVF on the NHS.
IUI is a very simple process, a lot like just doing it yourself at home. You don't need tests during your cycle and you don't need to inject yourself or have scans.
IVF is very invasive and requires sedation and injectable hormones. 
IUI has a success rate of around 11% and IVF has a success rate of 24%.

We were originally saving for the 6 rounds of IUI that we would need to self fund, until we went to an open evening discussing it. That was where we discovered that IUI is the wrong route for us due to my lack of ovulation. We were told at the meeting that for IUI you just use ovulation tests yourself at home and then come to the clinic the day after you get a smiley face. However, we have had smiley faces before and been told that the blood tests show I haven't released an egg.
We have booked our initial consultation (£185) at that fertility place to discuss what is our best option and whether we need any tests repeated. That is on 19th May and I will update this blog with what happens once we discuss it.

How I Met My Girlfriend and How Our Long Distance Relationship Developed

This is a post I have been meaning to write for a while and have only been putting it off because it's hard to remember the full story in detail. Kirsty and I have been together for 4 years, 6 months now. I really want to write our story down, especially now we are planning our wedding. I want to be able to remember it forever.

So let's start from the beginning.

How did we meet?
Tumblr is a blogging site and I joined when I was in college in 2009 and used it every now and again for the next few years to post photos I liked or personal posts.
Kirsty had joined in January 2011 and updated her blog quite a lot.
When I was on holiday in Pontins with my mum for my birthday in May 2011, (our reflection is in the TV), I saw a post that linked to her blog.

I was getting ready to go out to see the shows with my mum and sent her a message (which she never actually got) and followed her blog. She sent me a message that said "This blog <3 You <3"

Obviously the hearts meant nothing at this point. She didn't know who I was. But it was such a perfect first message for what happened after.
She posted a link to her YouTube channel which had videos of her doing song covers and funny videos. I binge watched them all and really started to have a crush on her.

But she lived in South Wales and I lived in Manchester, a 4 hour train ride apart.
We would message each other every few days and just talk about films we liked or what we had been up to. We would send each other questions to answer like "do you have a crush on anyone?"
She sent me a letter which I stuck to my wall. We kept writing letters for the next few weeks.

One night in early July 2011 Kirsty posted her phone number and asked people to text her, so I did. I didn't tell her who I was at first but I think she knew anyway.

After that we would text each other every day and make YouTube videos for each other talking about our day.

Towards the end of July I realised I needed to tell my parents how I felt about her. I wanted to meet her and I couldn't travel that far without explaining why I was going. It took me about an hour to tell my mum and she told my dad. It's not that they're homophobic or anything like that but I never talk to my parents about personal things.
It was the day after I told them that they asked if Kirsty was my girlfriend. When you're young it's assumed that if you like each other, you're in a relationship. But when you get older you need to actually ask. I don't know why the rules change, but they do!
I was planning on asking her when we met but I was worried that she wouldn't understand why I was asking. She was 16 and I was 20. So I text her instead. I said "are you my girlfriend?" and she said "yea if that's what you want". So there it was! We became Facebook official in early August and I booked a train ticket to see her on 16th August and to stay 2 nights.

How did we meet in person?
We decided that I would stay at her house because it was easier and cheaper.
She came to pick me up from the train station with her mum, stepdad and sister. The first words she said to me when she got out of the car were "is there a bin in there?" I said "I'm not sure." What an amazing memory that seems to always stick with me.

We didn't talk in the car which was fine with me because I was so nervous, I didn't want to have to talk in front of everyone.
When we got to her house she took my suitcase up to her room and showed me around her room. She kept saying "this is my room" over and over again which I just found hilarious. It helped to make me less nervous. We went downstairs to eat pasta and then went back up and watched a DVD on her laptop. She went to get in her sister's double bed and I slept in her bed. It took me ages to fall asleep and I woke up really early the next day but she didn't wake up until 1pm.

I won't write down everything we did the next 2 days, but I will tell you that we listened to music together and she kissed me. I wouldn't normally kiss someone the day after meeting them in person, but we had already talked a lot and I felt a lot closer to her than I would normally.

We walked to McDonalds together and had an awkward meal where we didn't talk.
We kissed again at the train station before I got on the train and then we text while I was on the way home.
A few weeks later she came to my house and we went out with my family to a few places. I said "I love you" to her for the first time. We hadn't actually been out alone together (apart from the awkward McDonalds time). We hadn't been on a real date yet.

Our first date
I visited Kirsty in November for her 17th birthday. We decided to go to Frankie & Bennies together. It was our first date. I don't have any photos from that time. I don't remember what we wore. I don't know if we got dressed up. I know Kirsty paid and that there were fireworks outside while we were eating.
After that first date we went on a few dates to the cinema and bowling. Or we would just walk to a park with a picnic or sit on the swings and talk.

How did we move in together?
It actually happened before our one year anniversary. They say lesbians move fast! I think we moved fast partly because of our long distance relationship. When we were together, everything was fine. But in the inbetween times we were trying to afford the train tickets and just really missing each other.

 It took a lot of persuasion on my parents part but we decided that she would move in with me in Manchester and she would start Alevels here. I got a double bed which we spray painted with glow in the dark paint and she was moved in by September. We would bring more of her stuff home each time we went to visit her family because you can't bring a lot of stuff on the train, but we were now in a serious relationship and I still regret nothing about how fast we moved.

When did we get engaged?
We went to Disneyland Paris for my 21st birthday with my mum which was amazing. We decided to go again a year later, just the two of us. We booked it for September 2013.
We had been together for just over 2 years. I wrote down my engagement on cards and had a ring box made. We had already discussed engagement rings we liked when we looked in the Argos catalogue together. So I had a feeling she was going to propose soon. I wasn't sure if she was planning on doing it in Disneyland too.
We decided to dress as Mickey and Minnie on one of the days. I bought a red and white dress and Kirsty bought red jeans and had buttons sewn on.

 

We decided to wear those outfits on the 3rd day so I chose the 3rd day as the day I wanted to propose. We walked to the Sleeping Beauty castle and I asked her to come to the side. At first I couldn't do it and we were just looking at the ducks over the bridge. But I eventually managed to pull the cards out and read them to her. Then I showed her the box and ring and she said yes and I cried. (She didn't cry and I never let her forget it.)

Then she seemed to want to rush off so I had a pretty good idea what was coming. We went to the pirate ship but it was locked so we went inside the skull rock cave which you can see the pirate ship through. She didn't have cards. She told me how much she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Then she pulled out a treasure chest box she had made and the ring and got down on one knee and I said yes and almost cried again.
We had got each other almost matching rings. For that first day of us wearing them we were both so scared that they were going to fall off on rides or just walking around so we were clenching our fists.

When is the wedding?
We started thinking about our wedding not long after we got engaged and started saving up almost straight away. We have settled on our dream venue which is about halfway between both of our families. We have planned our table names and wedding decor. We have picked which menu we prefer and designed our wedding cake. We have saved close to the full amount we need, including money for our honeymoon (a Disney Cruise in Europe). And we have a dream date in 2018 which we hope we are able to book late this year.

What next? We started trying for a baby in August 2014 using artificial insemination.
 It didn't work for 10 months so we took a break and since then I have had a lot of tests done.
We were referred to the reproductive clinic in January 2016. I have been told that I have low egg count and we probably need to self fund six rounds of IUI (it's less invasive than IVF), so we have started saving up for that but its going to cost around £13,000.

So that is our story so far! I may make more posts in the future about our baby mission.
I will definitely most more about our wedding planning.
And I am currently posting once a fortnight about the alphabet dating we are doing this year

Thanks for reading!