WHAT I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!

This is going to be a photo-heavy post.

These are most of the gifts I received from my parents, siblings, nephews, nieces and my fiancee.
I won't list who bought what, or where everything is from, but I have also shown everything in a video on my YouTube which will have more detail.

If you want to know more about anything you see here, leave a comment and I will get back to you very soon!

I also got some sweets, a thorntons toffee cake, a lot of scratchcards and a lottery ticket.
I went to see Tomorrowland at the cinema and I really enjoyed it.
I'm so grateful for everything that I received, I can't wait to use it all!

Turning 24 - Birthday Plans

In 8 days I am turning 24. It's not a special age. It's not quite halfway to 50. But I like to treat every birthday, mine and others, as a special one.

I have a few plans for my birthday:

My fiancee has paid for her, me and my mum to go to Media City UK in Salford on Saturday. It's my mums birthday 2 days after mine and the ticket is a present for her too. I have wanted to go for a while so I'm really excited.

I'm getting my hair dyed a dark purple and getting a trim the day before my birthday.

We are going to the cinema on my birthday to see Tomorrowland and hopefully have something to eat afterwards.

I wanted to post my plans before my birthday, so I can post my presents after.

Stay tuned for a mass post of presents you wouldn't expect a 24 year old to get! (I already know what some of them are. I'm really bad with surprises)

Did/do you have any plans for your birthday? What was your favourite birthday outing?

Playaway audio books

A few weeks ago I was browsing through audio books at my local library, more out of curiosity than desire. I don't have a portable cassette or CD player so if I was to get one I would have to be sat at my computer to listen to it.
Then I saw a new display with smaller cases in, and read that it was an MP3 player audio book. It sounded perfect but I was a bit apprehensive, I wasn't sure how long the battery would last or whether I would be charged for lending it and not given long enough to listen to it.
I decided to try one and spent a while looking for an interesting one. I chose The House We Grew Up In by Lisa Jewell. I borrowed this just before Easter and, it doesn't mention this at all in the blurb, the story revolves around Easter Sunday. I absolutely loved this story. It was 17 hours, read really well, and the battery that was half full when I borrowed the book lasted about 10 hours.

The actual player has enough options to satisfy me, there is an equaliser which I always just set to clear.
The volume goes from 1 to 25 but I find volume 6 is perfect.
There is a speed setting which you can have at slow, a bit slow, normal, a bit fast and fast. There is probably a better way to explain that! I always have it on normal but I love that it gives these options. I have tried slower but I don't really like it. I tried faster when I was falling asleep and had a few minutes left of the chapter but I definitely prefer sticking to normal.
There is also a last chapter/rewind, play and next chapter/fast forward.
In the middle of these buttons is the screen which displays the current chapter, and the time remaining.

I have looked online at the playaway website and they do have new versions which look rather snazzy. I'm not sure if these versions work differently to the ones my library has, but I want to mention that I feel the ones I have used are lacking two functions.
The first is the screen doesn't light up so if I am listening in bed I have to turn the light on to see how long is left of the chapter I am listening to. I would love an option to just turn the light on and off.
The second is that if you pull the headphones out, the audio continues to play. I am forever rolling over and accidentally unplugging the headphones and then having to rewind to where I last heard it so I really wish that it would automatically pause.

My favourite thing about the playaways is that they have a tiny book cover stuck on them which just looks so cute! I didn't realise when I borrowed my first book because I didn't turn it over until I had got it home.

I know some people use audible to download and listen to audiobooks, I never used this because I can't guarantee that I will have the money to pay for the direct debit. And now I have completely fallen in love with playaway!

Do you listen to audiobooks? Do you have any recommendations of books I should read or listen to?

Spring Outfits!

I bought a few new outfits in April so decided to share some of my outfits here. I never used to wear dresses or skirts, it's hard to feel comfortable wearing them because I am very uncomfortable with my body.
Wearing tights with them helps my confidence, and is also suited to the unpredictable British weather. During Summer, when it is warmer, I will try to brave these outfits without tights.
I don't spend a lot of money on clothes and I don't shop in obscure places. I don't even know what clothes look good together! I just wear what I feel like wearing. Whether that is a Disney t-shirt and coloured jeans or a dress and flower crown. If I chose my outfit and felt happy with it, that is good enough for me.

 I bought this dress specifically for Easter - Kirsty made an easter egg hunt for me, we baked cakes, and I thought it would be nice to dress up for the day.

•  The dress is from Debenhams Blue Cross Sale. £19.20
•  The black tights are from Tesco (100 denier) £4
•  The trainers are grey Converse £30
•  The necklace is from a store that closed down. We have a lot of tangled jewellery from there and Kirsty managed to untangle this one for me. Free
•  The flower crown is from Leeds Festival a few years ago £4
•  The nail varnish is Roll in the Grass - Rimmel London £2.99
•  I'm also wearing a wooden star sign bracelet from the tangled jewellery Free
•  and a Lego Friends watch £15 

             Total Outfit Cost =£45.19 (not inc. £30 shoes)

I am wearing make-up that Kirsty chose. The lipstick is by Jack Wills, and the (very light) eyeshadow is from Sleek's Vintage Romance Palette.

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 This is my current favourite outfit. I bought the skirt and tights the day before and we were staying in a hotel so it was just by complete chance that I decided to put this outfit together and I loved it.

• The Cinderella t-shirt is from Disney at George, Asda £7
• The skirt is from Debenhams Blue Cross Sale £7.50
• The grey tights are from Tesco (100 denier) £2
• The trainers are grey Converse £30
• The bag is from Accessorize and I use it to keep my camera, eyeliner, lip balm and mints in £14
• The sunglasses are from Primark £1
• The two keyrings on my bag are from Manchester Christmas Markets £7

               Total Outfit Cost = £38.50 (not inc. £30 shoes)

You can't see my face in these photos but I am wearing Smoky grey eyeliner by Rimmel. And Spun Sugar Shine Aurora lip balm from Claires.

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 I've had this t-shirt for a few years but I bought the skirt a few days ago. I really like polka dot skirts and really like the way it looks with the t-shirt. The outfit was quite neutral so I decided to wear bright trainers with it to make it look more my style.

• The t-shirt is from Junk Food at Truffle Shuffle £22
• I'm wearing a vest from Primark under the T-shirt £2
• The skirt is from Primark £4
• The tights are from Tesco (100 denier) £4
• The shoes are pink sequin Converse £45
• I'm wearing a wooden star sign bracelet Free

              Total Outfit Cost = £32 (not inc. £45 shoes)

 I'm not wearing any make up here because I've lost my Sleek Au-Naturel palette and would have used light eyeshadow. We also were staying away from home and I wish I had remembered to take my pink lipstick to wear.

Struggling with Mental Health

I'm not very good at writing about how I feel, or even telling people when I'm feeling sad. I tend to keep all of my bad thoughts and feelings to myself, for fear of burdening anyone. It doesn't help at all and I don't recommend it. I was seeing a therapist for a year and am hoping to be referred to a new one in the near future.
Right now though, I am struggling. I have been feeling very low for a while - and that brings many other side effects.
Depression triggers a lot of reactions in my body and mind which makes it even harder to deal with alone.
When I get very low, I have flashbacks to a trauma that happened in my early teens. These flashbacks cause me to lose sleep and feel very disoriented. Which in turn gives me palpitations. And on top of that, whether I'm having a good day or a bad day I see and hear things which I'm pretty sure don't exist. All of this leads to me sitting on my bathroom floor crying as quietly as I can at 2.20am.
I'm just really struggling with coping alone but I have such a low self esteem that I find it almost impossible to reach out for help.
There is an ongoing situation concerning my family which is really playing with my emotions, I went to my GP about 2 months after it was first brought up and asked if I could be referred for therapy. She referred me back to my old therapist, I knew they couldn't accept my referral after 3 years of being treated there but I just couldn't get the courage to say it. I felt like I deserved to be without help. She left me a voicemail a few weeks ago asking me to phone her, but I have social anxiety which makes it really hard for me to make phonecalls. So I never called back.
Sometimes it helps just to write how I'm feeling so the words aren't so stuck. I'm already feeling a lot less trapped. Maybe this will have helped me to get the courage to go back to my GP.

If you need someone to talk to, I really hope you find the courage.
Let me know how you're feeling in the comments, the good, the bad and the ugly!
And I'm sure my next personal post will be a more positive one.