Struggling with Mental Health

I'm not very good at writing about how I feel, or even telling people when I'm feeling sad. I tend to keep all of my bad thoughts and feelings to myself, for fear of burdening anyone. It doesn't help at all and I don't recommend it. I was seeing a therapist for a year and am hoping to be referred to a new one in the near future.
Right now though, I am struggling. I have been feeling very low for a while - and that brings many other side effects.
Depression triggers a lot of reactions in my body and mind which makes it even harder to deal with alone.
When I get very low, I have flashbacks to a trauma that happened in my early teens. These flashbacks cause me to lose sleep and feel very disoriented. Which in turn gives me palpitations. And on top of that, whether I'm having a good day or a bad day I see and hear things which I'm pretty sure don't exist. All of this leads to me sitting on my bathroom floor crying as quietly as I can at 2.20am.
I'm just really struggling with coping alone but I have such a low self esteem that I find it almost impossible to reach out for help.
There is an ongoing situation concerning my family which is really playing with my emotions, I went to my GP about 2 months after it was first brought up and asked if I could be referred for therapy. She referred me back to my old therapist, I knew they couldn't accept my referral after 3 years of being treated there but I just couldn't get the courage to say it. I felt like I deserved to be without help. She left me a voicemail a few weeks ago asking me to phone her, but I have social anxiety which makes it really hard for me to make phonecalls. So I never called back.
Sometimes it helps just to write how I'm feeling so the words aren't so stuck. I'm already feeling a lot less trapped. Maybe this will have helped me to get the courage to go back to my GP.

If you need someone to talk to, I really hope you find the courage.
Let me know how you're feeling in the comments, the good, the bad and the ugly!
And I'm sure my next personal post will be a more positive one.